Wedding Reception Perfection

As a wedding professional I get asked about toasts all the time. Actually, what they usually refer to as a toast is a “speech.” These speeches are really toasts in disguise.
Get it?
This past Saturday the Best Man’s toast was part speech, radio show, stand up comedy and lecture. Oh, and it was 25 minutes.
There is no need for a toast to be quite that lengthy.
The BM went on to pull out a list of historic happenings for April 20. All 20 of them were supposed to meld the importance of history with the marriage. What does a marriage have to do with Captain Cooks arrival in New South Wales? Uhh, nothing is my guess.
This BM was literally killing time. Emphasis on “killing”
The Bride was getting a little testy after the 10th historic fact. With no end in sight after the 15th historic fact the banquet manager was freaking out as all she wanted to do was serve the prime rib on time. I think I actually saw steam escape her ears.
The only thing the BM did right at the end was “toast” the newlyweds.
Best Men and Maids of Honor pass this up all the time!
Here’s directions on how to do it properly: Hold the champagne flute at the stem, raise it to eye level and wish the happy couple good tidings.
Really that’s all that is ever asked of the Best Man. Or should be.
The lesson?
Tell your Best Man to prepare something short which is personal, touching or original.
Tell your Best Man to practice the toast until he knows it by heart.
It can funny, touching, lovely or simple.
It should be 2 to 5 minutes in length. Definitely NOT 30 minutes.
It’s not supposed to be stand up comedy (unless your BM is Jerry Seinfeld!)
And please, DO NOT embarrass the Bride with rude references, they are never needed. How would you like it if someone made a rude comment about you on the biggest day of your life? Especially when it’s in front of 200 people!
And please, don’t forget the “toast”

Are you nervous about dancing in front of hundreds of people? If not you probably are a type “A” extroverted bride or groom. Most couples are probably a little more introverted and are nervous regarding the opening dance. Most parents are probably apprehensive about the dance with their children too. Last year a Father of the Bride said to me that all eyes would be on him because everyone knew he had no formal dance lessons. We set up a dance lesson for him and his daughter. The idea was to help him gain some confidence and get him over the negative. On “Sarah’s” wedding day dad did just fine and even enjoyed the applause he and his daughter received as they finished the final twirl. He told me later he had a blast and wanted to do it again! Another way to help motivate parents is to share the dance floor with other fathers and daughters or mothers and sons in the room. Here’s the way it works; first the DJ invites child and parent to the floor. He will tell your guests the title of the song you will be dancing to and then tell your guests a couple of minutes into the song we will ask other parents and children to come forward to share the floor. The fearful parent is now “covered” by the other guests and it’s a magical way to begin a reception because those other guests will come forward to dance. Photographers and videographers are happy too because they have truly recorded some wonderful moments.
Just imagine looking back on this event many years later. The lesson is to find a way to gain some measure of confidence or comfort. Its your wedding day and your family & friends will truly want to celebrate it with you.

When it comes to “toasting” a bride & groom I have seen many things I would never consider doing myself. In my world that’s usually a pretty good rule of thumb to go by.
Many years ago the act of toasting was simple, easy going, happy and quick! The best man would stand up before dinner and say, “Let’s toast Jim & Carla on the happiest day of their lives!” the best man then raised his glass in honor and it was over. Lightning fast. Usually the crowd shouted “here, here” and that was it, nothing more. (for more on this simply watch any movie featuring a wedding from the 1930’s)
In the 21st century the act of toasting has expanded into performance art.
The buzzword is “speech” but a toast is not supposed to be a speech, like “4 score and 7 years ago.” Webster’s defines a toast as, “a salutation or a few words of congratulation, good wishes, appreciation, remembrance, uttered immediately before drinking to a person or event.”
Last year I entertained at a wedding where the best man couldn’t even stand up straight. He flubbed the toast, all the while crying over HIS misspent youth.
I witnessed a maid of honor cursing during a toast in front of children and family members. Another by the father of the bride took over 30 minutes to recite and dinner service was delayed 45 minutes to courteously give him the floor.
You get the idea.
Needless to say it was quite a bad year for wedding toasts. A few understood what was expected of them and the rest did not.
Here are a few things a toast can be; humorous, short and to the point but 2 to 3 minutes maximum, lighthearted and respectful of others.
Here are a few things to keep in mind; when you are assigning best man and maid of honor privileges talk with them about the toasts. Tell them YOUR wishes. Make sure there is no profanity. Keep stories to a minimum. Don’t over imbibe in alcohol before the toast is delivered. Write it down and rehearse it a few times if need be. Do not recall past relationships or bad memories. Above all just keep it classy.
I would think since most humans are afraid of public speaking, and would rather jump off a cliff or encounter a wild mountain lion in their back yard the idea of a short toast may come as relief to your maid of honor and best man.

Let’s think about dance music for a minute. Think what styles best describe what songs are successful at a wedding. Now think about your wedding. What do you want the DJ to play?
In Step 7 of the Wedding Reception Perfection planner you can choose your favorites. You may even make your very own do not play list.
Couples ask my advice on this topic all the time and there are 2 camps; the couples who get everyone involved to choose music or couples who choose nothing and leave it up to the DJ.
Either way is fine, nothing wrong with any of it.
But I got to thinking more and more about what styles of music make up a fun dance floor and how the music motivates guests. Here are some thoughts…
The wedding guests must be enthusiastic and be motivated about what the DJ plays.
The DJ must play a wide variety of styles from contemporary decades. (40’s thru now)
The music must be danceable whether it’s fast or slow.
The songs must be appealing to you and your guests.
The question I always ask is can you dance to it?
Taste and likeability also account for whether certain songs can be played at some weddings. Most wedding DJ’s play only “radio edits” or “clean mixes” so offensive words should not be an issue. If you don’t like a pop song because it’s annoying to you but it’s popular at weddings, like the “Cupid Shuffle” you may choose to have the DJ play the song because it will make your guests happy and fill the floor. Offensive lyrics are probably another matter. Techno or House styles have limited interest.
The DJ wants the same happy result as you.
Here are some ideas to help your DJ become more effective,
Don’t be controlling with your musical choices.
Don’t give your DJ more than 10 “Do not plays”
Don’t write a timeline of songs to be played every 4 minutes.
Give your DJ freedom to play “what works” & take requests.
Listen to advice from your DJ about your personal choices and where to place them like at cocktail hour or the dinner hour.
Here’s a word about requests…successful DJ’s filter out the requests which may not make sense to play. Most guests will ask for what they know and like but it may not keep a dance floor full. Timing plays a huge part in what the DJ plays and when he plays it.
Factor in some element of surprise and the song gets a positive reaction from the crowd.
Here’s one more thing to think about…a good sized smattering of oldies always works well. You might be too young to remember the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s. But many of your guests probably grew up in one of those decades and are fond of several songs or artists. By rule of thumb, the music you listened to as a kid is what you’ll end up listening to as an adult but if the DJ plays a few oldies it will keep guests interested all night long.
They don’t call ‘em “golden oldies” for nothing.
Many of your guests will want to hear the current favorites as well so now you have a huge mix which will keep the floor crowded all night.

Wedding Reception Perfection is very easy to use and can help ease the lengthy list of choices for special dances. We offer drop down lists of Bride/Father, Groom/Mother songs along with many other dances because we know those choices can be difficult. Here’s some advice though if you are dancing with a parent, bridal party, kids or other relative. Make sure they are involved in the choice of songs because it will make the selection process much easier. I recently consulted a couple who admitted they had no idea what to choose for dances with their parents. They found 2 songs on our drop downs and the problem was quickly solved. Many times those special people in your life have a favorite song or artist and all you have to do is ask! Whatever you do make sure your entertainer knows about these choices a good 2 weeks in advance of the wedding especially if the songs are older or atypical. I recently had a groom ask me to find an old song unavailable on I Tunes or CD. I found it through a personal friend who had a copy but it took me over a week to finally receive the song. I’ve also had to deal with wedding websites where the songs are expensive and need to be sent via the mail service which can be at least 10 days. Recently I had an experience involving a Groom who forgot to call me the day before the wedding to tell me what song he and his Mother were dancing to. During cocktail hour he pulls out a piece of paper and reveals the song to me which I did not have on my hard drive. We had to download it via I Tunes in the banquet managers office and I had to pay for it! A good ending to a crazy night but I will no longer accept the risk of disappointing anyone with a song choice that should have been decided a couple of weeks before the wedding. If the songs are ethnic in nature and need to be given to the DJ just make sure they are dropped off a couple of weeks in advance. All professional entertainers want to look exceptional in front of your guests as it’s how we make a living.
You want to look good in front of your guests too so consider good preparation a good part of the deal as events will flow more smoothly throughout the reception.

Continuing from the previous post about cocktail music, dinner music choices are bountiful as well. Some are classy, comfortable or rock retro. Some of the choices I will list may wind up in your musical trash box but that’s OK because what we are after is a personal discovery. Depending on who your entertainers are it maybe a moot point to choose any of the selections but most DJ’s have a few formats to choose from then they supply the specific song titles at the reception. Others will let you choose every cocktail and dinner song. Most of our clients seem so busy I think it’s difficult for them to find the time to choose much music, let alone plan all wedding details which can be cumbersome. Other clients seem overwhelmed when confronted with choosing anything. If you’re in the latter category especially then make sure you ask your entertainers or DJ what they think would be best to play. Also, you can ask parents, bridal party and close friends too. But keep in mind they will probably give you personal favorites which may not be the best for 90% of your dinner guests. That’s why choosing a format in the best way to go. It’s simple and your entertainer may then have better suggestions on how to fill the time. Most of our clients under the age of 30 have no idea what a crooner is, yet they may know the famous names of Sinatra, Dean Martin or Michael Buble’ but don’t know the musical style because they have never heard the songs. Here’s the crux; just because you don’t know specific songs doesn’t mean they are not good to play. Believe me, others at your reception will know some, many or all of them. With that said, if you really don’t know what to choose then trust your entertainer to give you the best options. That’s why you hired them, right? The first format I want you to hear is Crooners or Rat Pack Style from the 1940’s through the 1960’s.
Movie soundtracks are a great place to look for reception music. It makes sense because Americans watch hundreds of hours of movies every year and some are even part of the popular culture at large. Usually the songs are upbeat and part of popular music anyway, you just may remember them from your favorite movies.
Romancing the Movies
If you are planning a beach themed wedding then you’ll probably want Beach Style Music Anything from the Beach Boys to Steel Drum Rhythms are perfect and enjoyable for anyone.
So you’ve heard the typical music at most weddings but how about some unique examples?
Give some thought to some Classic Rock Favorites because almost everyone has some familiarity to these gems.
If you lean to the musical format of R&B, there are some excellent choices here too.
Do you want a hip, young format to impress your friends with Top 40
After listening you should ask yourself a couple of questions; does the music set the mood I want? Will all of my quests enjoy this music? Can my entertainer competently supply this kind of format?
If the answer is yes, then you know!
One last bit of advice; do not ask your DJ to play dinner music for your personal musical statement. This can lead to guests leaving in droves before dessert is served. If you enjoy extreme metal but your uncles, aunts, & grandparents will be in the room with you eating dinner and you really want them to stay…
Whatever you plan to do I urge you to work with a professional wedding entertainer because they really want you to have a successful reception and may offer some great advice. Some of us have thousands of hours of experience and have seen excellent results time and again so never be afraid to ask.
The Wedding Jockey

Bride’s and Groom’s who fail to provide the right information to any wedding entertainer in a timely fashion are asking for trouble. Especially if the information is crucial and neccessary to the reception. Last year I played for a Bride who procrastinated in providing me the details through the week of her wedding day. After many attempts at trying to get the info, she emailed all of her announcements, introductions, special song choices and more to me the morning of her wedding day. What was more frustrating is that I didn’t know she was going to do that because she never communicated with me. And what was even worse was that I didn’t find out until I arrived at the reception. The file attachment was Word 2007 which the banquet center didn’t have access to. The Best Man figured out how to convert the file so we could read it. Dinner was gonna be delayed by at least 30 minutes. The banquet center and this author were not happy. As the photographer and videographer both came up to me for the third time to ask when introductions were going to take place I drew breath then let it out.
Whew! Talk about sweating bullets.
The upside of the story is that everything turned out fine. I had to improvise many things all night long which is not the best scenario for a wedding DJ. Heck, that could spell trouble for the entire reception. The end result was an excellent reception with a full dance floor and tons of energy. Plus, everyone’s name was pronounced correctly. Oh, and she used the planner from this program which is what saved me from having to spell names, guess what artist sings a certain song and whether or not there is a bouquet and garter toss. That’s not to say every DJ would be comfortable with the scenario I described above or would have had the same result. But at least I had the information in the order I needed it that day. What I have learned is timely information can make or break a reception. It’s not only a matter of what genre of dance music you like best. It’s all of the details we need to have about your bridal party, grandparents and parents names, opening dance songs (live version or studio?) and what events you want us to do during dance music. With Wedding Reception Perfection’s excellent subscription program you are getting solid advice from real working professionals and a well organized planner which you can send to your entertainer when completed.
We have heard from countless customers that it’s easy to use and has saved them lots of time.
Our plan makes it easier for the entertainer to focus on your reception rather than sweating bullets about it the night before.
Yours truly,
The Wedding Jockey